A large part of being homesick is missing familiarity. I'm finding this exasperated recently as many (most? all?) of my discussions with Dutch people feel like battlezones. I suppose it doesn't help that I'm American and everyone thinks they know everything about America. Which bring me to my biggest frustration with Dutch "discussions": too many statements, not enough questions.
I think it would be nice sometime, if someone, asked me about where I'm from. What was my town like? Did I ride bikes there, too? This has yet to happen...though many people have told me about America. False experts abound. There seems to be an emphasis on making direct statements at a raised volume. I find this rather unnerving. Another affect of these "discussions" is I constantly feel like I'm having to defend myself. Since hardly any questions are asked, I feel like a sound board (punching bag?) for peoples already set opinions and I'm constantly trying to share the notion that experiences other than their own are possible. It's tiring. Even when I mentioned to someone that I'd found this fun thing called "Meet-Up's" (see previous post) and that there were a lot of activities, I was told "that's the problem with expats, they just end up hanging out with themselves, blah blah". Well you know what, I have hardly spent anytime with other expats in my 4 months here, but it is sure looking tempting.
My complaints come from social experiences, but I guess it translates to the Business World, as well. I found this little blurb (below) about Dutch Communication Style from WorldBusinessCulture.com, it (slightly more objectively) highlights the same characteristics that I mention above....
"Dutch Communication Styles
Respect is shown through speaking one's mind and being direct. Little respect is given to those who appear devious or underhand in what they are saying. This directness of approach can sometimes be misconstrued as aggression or even rudeness - but is, rather, a useful tool for enabling the meeting to reach an agreed solution.
Paradoxically, due to the consensual nature of decision making in the Netherlands it can be sometimes difficult to get a straight 'yes' or 'no'. This seeming unwillingness is more a sign of no decision having been yet reached than any subtle politicking.
It is important to appear unpretentious. Whatever you are, do not think of yourself as something special. Therefore self-promotion of the type that might be found in the USA is seen as being distasteful and will probably be thought of as arrogant.
Although humour is often used in business situations, it is not all-pervasive and discussions are often very serious with irony or sarcasm being interpreted as lack of commitment. Remember that even though the Dutch speak very good English, much humour is culturally-based and unintelligible to other cultures."
As we would say in America, 'I was raised with manners'. I went to etiquette school. I'm generally polite (minus throwing shade with the inner circle) and those are traits I value.
In conclusion, it looks like I might be in for the long haul of 'the rude' vs 'the arrogant'. Otherwise known as the opposite of fun. I'm not stoked on this, can you tell? This is my first post with the label 'homesick', and probably not my last.
Enjoy!
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