Dutch Programs for Pregnant Women

Everywhere requires adjustment from the place before. Even though I find Amsterdam to be a pretty close ideological match to San Francisco there have obviously been several areas where I've gone from confusion, to learning, adjusting, and finally understanding; of course the Dutch method of dealing with Pregnancy is no exception.

First off, there is a huge push here for home births. Everyone is assigned a midwife, and I've heard of people having to switch midwifes simply because they were being overtly pressured away from their choice of hospital birth. As with many arguments, there is scientific evidence on both sides; but in this case, most people recognize the mothers comfort should override others ideals. Second off you have the government required home inspection and post care nurse. This sounds much more fascist than it is, it's actually quite wonderful and shows the level of importance put on the safety of the child. Some people think that this could be invasive, the government should be less involved, smaller, etc; but I think there is also evidence that people just can't always be trusted, whether it be due to ignorance or negligence having a nurse come to your house and inspect your preparedness isn't such a bad thing. After the birth another nurse (Kraamzorg) will be at the house for 8 days to help with light cleaning, cooking, teaching you how to bath and breastfeed, etc. Historically these tasks were cared to by family, but times have changed and many find their families further and further away.

The one thing that has made me feel the most at home (and at ease) was Pregnancy Yoga with Lillith Turk at the the Active Health Center. I'm a bit biased because I LOVE YOGA. The class I've been taking is in English and just lovely. It is the one thing that feels like home. The studio could be in California, Vermont, Venezuela, or Amsterdam. In the studio there is no discussion of which birth method is best, no pressure to adapt to a new system, no need to explain why you have chosen a different system; just neutral discussions, stretching, and relaxation.

I highly recommend this class/series to any English speaking expectant Mother in Amsterdam. Our class was full of women from all nationalities and Lillith welcomes new students to come for a free trial class :)

Enjoy!

Amsterdam Charm

I took this recently with Hipstamatic on my iPhone. Fun! Charming!!

Dutch "Discussion" Style

A large part of being homesick is missing familiarity. I'm finding this exasperated recently as many (most? all?) of my discussions with Dutch people feel like battlezones. I suppose it doesn't help that I'm American and everyone thinks they know everything about America. Which bring me to my biggest frustration with Dutch "discussions": too many statements, not enough questions.

I think it would be nice sometime, if someone, asked me about where I'm from. What was my town like? Did I ride bikes there, too? This has yet to happen...though many people have told me about America. False experts abound. There seems to be an emphasis on making direct statements at a raised volume. I find this rather unnerving. Another affect of these "discussions" is I constantly feel like I'm having to defend myself. Since hardly any questions are asked, I feel like a sound board (punching bag?) for peoples already set opinions and I'm constantly trying to share the notion that experiences other than their own are possible. It's tiring. Even when I mentioned to someone that I'd found this fun thing called "Meet-Up's" (see previous post) and that there were a lot of activities, I was told "that's the problem with expats, they just end up hanging out with themselves, blah blah". Well you know what, I have hardly spent anytime with other expats in my 4 months here, but it is sure looking tempting.

My complaints come from social experiences, but I guess it translates to the Business World, as well. I found this little blurb (below) about Dutch Communication Style from WorldBusinessCulture.com, it (slightly more objectively) highlights the same characteristics that I mention above....

"Dutch Communication Styles

Respect is shown through speaking one's mind and being direct. Little respect is given to those who appear devious or underhand in what they are saying. This directness of approach can sometimes be misconstrued as aggression or even rudeness - but is, rather, a useful tool for enabling the meeting to reach an agreed solution.

Paradoxically, due to the consensual nature of decision making in the Netherlands it can be sometimes difficult to get a straight 'yes' or 'no'. This seeming unwillingness is more a sign of no decision having been yet reached than any subtle politicking.

It is important to appear unpretentious. Whatever you are, do not think of yourself as something special. Therefore self-promotion of the type that might be found in the USA is seen as being distasteful and will probably be thought of as arrogant.

Although humour is often used in business situations, it is not all-pervasive and discussions are often very serious with irony or sarcasm being interpreted as lack of commitment. Remember that even though the Dutch speak very good English, much humour is culturally-based and unintelligible to other cultures."

As we would say in America, 'I was raised with manners'. I went to etiquette school. I'm generally polite (minus throwing shade with the inner circle) and those are traits I value.

In conclusion, it looks like I might be in for the long haul of 'the rude' vs 'the arrogant'. Otherwise known as the opposite of fun. I'm not stoked on this, can you tell? This is my first post with the label 'homesick', and probably not my last.

Enjoy!

oh those things...an introduction to the basics

as an expat in holland, the three most challenging things i've found are finding housing, employment, and learning the language. i find the other cultural differences, navigating everyday life, and basic shopping more enjoyable; rather than points of contention. also, i don't have children; so my basics are very much about me, me, me, me...and my partner :)

in my last post i mentioned how i initially tackled the language. the basics are quirky, but with proper attention i should be conversation ready in about six months. having said that, i know that mastering Dutch is a challenge i will be facing for many years to come. i'm very glad i got started as soon as possible. i didn't mention in my last post, but there was a guy in my beginners class who had been living here for 14 years and was just now taking a basic class (?!). tsk tsk.

i consider language one of the three basics. my other basic necessities are housing and employment. i'm sure i'm not alone here. at first i was tackling all of these in one day. a bit of housing search here, a job board there, rewriting/reviewing language class notes...i was so on edge that the smallest disappointment became a breaking point.

housing in Amsterdam is a funny thing. it's limited. the city council wants to keep it that way, which i like, to be honest. the fact that squatting was only outlawed (sort of) around june 2010 makes for an interesting variety of interiors throughout holland. most vacancies (te huur) seem to be rented quite quickly, even if they are substandard. the phrasing 'furnished' can mean anything from a heel gezellig home to a place filled with things that were definitely discarded by the neighbors.

the process of becoming employed has allowed for many learnings. my wonderful american resume that still attracts offers in san francisco was treated like a digital leper. initially my online applications would be swiftly returned and rejected, i doubt people ever read past the first line. they didn't know how to read it. a dutch cv looks nothing like an american resume. it took me awhile to accept that i'd have to rewrite my american resume, but once i did it there was an amazing weight lifted off my shoulders. i sent the new (expanded) dutch cv out as an re: to all those rejection emails and have had wonderful feedback. really really great. very happy.

beyond becoming employed, dutch work contracts are much different than those in america...and by different, i mean better. vacation days start at five weeks, and there is much more job security. the overall feeling is that the company is investing in you, and you in them. it's a good feeling.

in future posts i will get deeper into the details of these subjects, and will solicit other expats to share their stories.

accidental expat

hi.

i really do love my home country, america. well, parts of it; but this is not a place for politics. i'm starting this blog because i've suddenly found myself in the role of expat and i'm finding the immersion process more challenging than i originally imagined.

for a former san franciscan, holland is not the most foreign place in the world; but below the surface there are enough differences that i think a guide is very helpful. i've read several (out of date) blogs from other women who went through this process, so i'm just trying to share some up to date information :)

i hope it helps and i'd love to hear about others experiences, too. i'd imagine a few other of my friends (also recent expat females from other parts of the world) will be contributing, too. we want to share as much helpful information as possible.

i hope that other expats who find this blog, will also find holland to be absolutely wonderful and worth all of the 'transition time' woes.